Athletics - Mindset and Injuries
I have a really cool friend, his name is Cooper Ferrario (I mean come on, that is a legit name! Go look him up he’s ridiculously talented too). He responded to a question I put on instagram, which was (and I am going to quote him directly) “I’m personally interested in the competitive nature, the mindset, the challenges (injury, playing time, school) that athletes deal with. You’re a rather shy unassuming person who enjoy’s slamming volleyball’s down peoples throats…that’s always been an intriguing contrast to me”.
I am a rather shy and unassuming person. However, I would argue that I am quiet not shy. And yes, there is a slight difference. Shy means “being reserved or having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people” but quiet means literally from the dictionary “making little or no noise” (that made me laugh out loud writing this down). I am not nervous or timid around other people but I do prefer to observe and speak only when I need to. I am not afraid to speak up for what I believe or think is right, but I also don’t think my opinion or my thoughts need to always be voiced. Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean most of the time, it is okay to listen. You might actually learn something that way.
Anyway, yes I am a rather quiet and unassuming person who enjoy’s slamming volleyball’s down peoples throats. Competing is one of the best feelings in the world and that is why I love the game of volleyball. It is so intense and vocal and physical and mental and emotional. The average rally lasts for about 7 seconds. Crazy, right? 7 seconds of all out physical effort. Anyone can do that, which is what make the game so universal and so much fun. If you have ever been to a volleyball game, you know how loud it is, and not even because of the fans (though the fans are loud and amazing) but even simply a practice; all the players are talking and communicating in a fast paced environment. Directing, coaching, supporting, cheering, and celebrating. Some of the best moments in a volleyball match are when one player shanks a pass or a dig and another hauls ass after the ball flinging their body with everything they have to get the ball back up and back into the court so another teammate can send it over and keep their chances for that point alive. Volleyball is not just about the hustle plays or slamming the ball as hard as you can to the floor in front of the ten foot line (even though those are some of the best feelings ever) there is strategy to the game of volleyball as well. A well placed shot in the back corner or a tip right over the block because you know that the off blocker cheats out to get ready to hit instead of playing defense first; these plays might look and seem easy but they are not. But often they are the most rewarding in the middle of a long rally remembering a tendency from the team you’ve been scouting all week and winning a point off of a mental error from your opponent. That kind of preparation when paid off gets everyone fired up. Emotion. This game is so emotional, and it is a kind of emotion that flips from one side to the other in a matter of points or carries you to the final point or buries you under run after run from your opponent. Learning to let go of that emotion or to not let it dictate how you play is so important and that is what separates good from great, but anyone who plays the game of volleyball will tell you how emotional it can be. I mean all sports are; that’s why we bleed our teams colors, right?
So why does a quiet unassuming person like me enjoy slamming volleyball’s down peoples throats? I enjoy working hard. There is no greater feeling than giving everything you have and watching it pay off. I wasn’t just born a volleyball player. Any of my past coaches and teammates as well as my parents can tell you that. I was quiet. I did not want to talk on the court or call the ball - not really because I didn’t want to talk, but I literally did not know what to say. I am not an overtly intense person. I was not strategic. I didn’t learn any kind of serious strategy (as simple as eyework) until I got to college and I was emotional, but not in a very good way. But I knew how to physically work hard. And that’s all you need to get better. I was willing to try new things and to be uncomfortable so I could grow and get better. Playing volleyball gave me so much confidence, which is kind of ironic because I really was not very good for a while when I started. But I worked so hard that I knew I could do every skill I needed to do to help my team win games. I enjoyed working my ass off so when game time came I had the confidence to approach for every ball and swing at every ball and expect to get a kill. I always believed I was going to outwork my opponent. Even if they were better than me skill wise I was going to outwork them, and not just going to, I was willing to outwork them. Working is effort and you control every ounce of effort you give. I am always willing to work for what I want and THAT is why I love slamming volleyball’s down peoples throats.
Even though volleyball is a team sport, in any kind of athletics you have to own a role and give one hundred percent to your role to allow your team to function properly. If one person is not giving their full effort you can see it on the court. It is visible. This is what makes team sports that amazing. When you can get 12 or 14 people to be so bought in to each other and the goals they set together you will not see someone slacking or not giving one hundred percent of everything they have in pursuit of their goals. And I love that. Knowing your teammates have your back and are going to push you to be your best self because you all want the same thing. This is kind of a whole other topic called culture and it’s why such few teams consistently win. Not everyone understands culture and it’s usually not perfect all of the time. (I could talk about culture for days).
Another part of the enjoyment of working hard and slamming volleyball’s, is that all of this doesn’t just apply to sports. This applies to how you live your life. I enjoyed learning how to do it on the volleyball side because I wanted that preparation and confidence to be able to do it in the real world. Honestly, in the real world sometimes the best workers are the ones that simply show up. So if you’re willing to show up and put in some work you will stand out. But never allow that to be your maximum effort. If that’s your minimum and you exceed that minimum everyday you will stand out in whatever it is you decide to do. Effort is a choice.
INJURIES
Another part of the question had to do with injuries. I could also talk about this forever. I feel like I’ve had so many injuries and most of them were not normal or even all that noticeable to anyone on the outside watching. I’m gonna list a few that I’ve had but I’m only gonna talk about a couple. Growing up playing sports and growing as quickly as I did my lower back was always in pain a lot of this had to do with the fast growing and that I just couldn’t keep my strength up. I just wasn’t strong enough in my core. I had a stress fracture in my foot, inflamed rotator cuff, stress fractures in my shins, blood clot in my palm, more lower back pain, more stress fractures, elbow pain, heart not pumping enough blood, elbow surgery and loads of strains of all kinds of muscles that just come with the title of “athlete”. The three biggest “injuries” I dealt with were the blood clot in my palm the spring before my freshman year, the heart issue, and the elbow surgery. Now as big as these were, sometimes the injuries that are smaller but last for a long time are the ones that are more draining mentally. Muhammad Ali said, “It’s not the mountains ahead that wear you out, it’s the pebble in your shoe.”
Long story short, I was taking birth control pills to try and help with my acne and I was part of the one percent that the side effect of blood clots actually affected. I’ll try and keep this one short, but it was quite the mystery for a long time, it hurt to hit a volleyball and then it was keeping me up at night and we finally got an ultrasound which kept me in the hospital for about 4 hours and then sent me to the ER. I ended up on blood thinners and had to give myself a shot in the leg everyday for a week or two. I worked out on blood thinners and let me tell you that was hard. Blood thinners do exactly what the name suggests. Thins your blood. But what that means as an athlete is your blood is no longer carrying as much oxygen to your body as it used to so it’s a lot easier to become short of breath and pass out during practice. I was limited because if I passed out and hit my head I could bleed out in my brain and that was not a good thing. But I did what I could and remember just being exhausted, but as a freshman I felt like I was totally slacking because I was not working as hard as everyone else. Even though I had a legit medical reason I still felt like I was a drain on the team and was being a lousy teammate because I wasn’t physically working hard. And in my head as a young player I did not understand all the aspects of being a good athlete and teammate yet. In my head working hard was who I am and without that I didn’t know what to do. It got better the clot went away and my hand was totally back to normal and no issues like that since.
My heart. Sometimes we don’t understand why we go through certain trials until a lot later and sometimes we never know; now I think I figured out the blood clot situation about two years later. The spring/summer before my junior season I had a couple instances where I blacked out during practice or a weights/conditioning session. Yes, I fell off a stationary bike and still have the scar from it. It was not normal and we went to the doctors to figure it out. Another issue that took a long time before we figured out anything. I did LOTS of tests before I got a cardiac MRI which told me (in the simplest terms) the left side of my heart was only pumping out about 30% of blood each time it pumped. A normal average is about 60-70%. It’s normal for athletes to be a bit lower at 50% but 30% was really low. When we found out how low the percentage was the doctors first told me I was done playing sports. That does a lot to a persons head. That was a really rough day. Lots of tears. About a week later the doctors decided I could play if I was on beta blockers, which from my understanding was a form of a blood thinner, and I still don’t really understand the thought process but it allowed me to play that season, which was all I cared about. I think the “injury” with the blood clot was preparing me for this “injury” because I had experienced it before and knew what to expect and made it easier to figure out how to play through the exhaustion and lack of energy the beta blocker caused.
Now halfway through this season I went up for a block at a practice the day before a game. I got the block but when the ball hit my hand it felt like I hyperextended my elbow, but that was it no big deal. It hurt but it would be fine by tomorrow. Well, it didn’t get better, it actually continued to get worse. It got so bad I would only block with one arm at practice during the week and use both during a game. It was crazy. I was in so much pain by the end of the season, but we got it checked several times and nothing really seemed to be wrong, so I was hoping the winter break would help it recover. It helped a little but I was still in a lot of pain during spring, so I didn’t play beach that season. Again, long story short but I started my senior season without really fixing anything. During our Red/White Scrimmage I went up for a block and this time it felt like something was seriously wrong. I played in 6 matches before we got an MRI and found out the UCL in my elbow was torn in two places all the way through. I was done for the season.
Recovery from that surgery (Tommy Johns - for any baseball fans) was long. It’s a whole year. Our goal was to have me ready to go in 9 months, by the beginning of the 2019 season. Some days were better than others, but it was a slow process. Some of the rehab exercises I did included flicking marbles to get the movement of each finger back, squeezing towels for grip strength, and don’t mind the fact that I had zero feeling in my last two fingers for pretty much the entire recovery (this was the most frustrating things for me - I couldn’t even hold a pencil or write with it because I couldn’t feel my fingers), my trainer literally had to work to straighten my arm to get my range of motion back. I could not straighten it or bend it all the way and I wasn’t allowed to use weights and start getting my strength back until I got full range of motion back. It was crazy because I would try to straighten my arm and it just wouldn’t do it, or trying to bend it and touch my right shoulder with my right hand and I could not reach it. It didn’t make sense in my head. The day I got full range of motion was the best day ever. I’ll never forget when I got to take my bionic brace off and be done with it I handed it to my trainer and said see ya never! (I still have the video). Later that day I walked into the gym and up to our assistant coach and I was so proud because I finally felt normal and I asked him exactly that, I asked him if I looked normal and he just laughed at me and bent his arm and mimicked me and told me no. Thanks Dan. It’s funny because even though I had full range of motion my arm didn’t hang straight. It still had a natural bend to it that was pretty severe. So I felt normal because it was way straighter than I had been able to hold it with the brace but it was still not close to normal.
Knowing I couldn’t speed up the process sucked but it also helped me be okay with my process and celebrate the little wins with the range of motion and the strength that was slowly coming back.
The hardest part was right before season started and I was officially cleared to play. I had to do live blocking reps. I was excited and I didn’t think it would be a big deal at all. We were in the middle of practice I got my first block with two arms in almost a year and it felt amazing! Then the next block I took there was pain. And I freaked out. We backed off for a little bit, let it recover, let the swelling go back down and tried again. I was still feeling pain. I was so mad and frustrated. That was my biggest fear. Going through this surgery and this rehab only for it to happen again. I did not want to go through this whole process again. I was scared.
The best advice I got was from my dad. He told me to not let this hold me back. I can’t control whether it gets torn again or not so just go play and if it happens then I’ll deal with it and if it doesn’t it will be everything I’ve been working for. That finally changed my mindset to not be scared to get back out there. I was cleared to get back on the court and there was definitely still some pain but it was just something I had to work through and get stronger with and here I am almost two years later and my elbow is doing great!
Injuries do a lot to a persons head. You would think injuries are a physical set back you have to work through, which it is, but there is a huge mental and emotional component that not very many people or really any see unless it’s your trainer or someone who has been through this before. When you’re on crutches or have a giant brace on your arm it’s easy for people to notice something is wrong but no one knows you have blood clots in your hand or your heart isn’t pumping enough blood or you pulled a muscle and it hurts to do normal everyday things and they don’t understand how you feel sitting on the sidelines trying to understand why you are going through the things you are going through. They don’t see how much you wish you were out on the court with your teammates working hard with them or that you worked so hard this past spring and summer to be in the best shape of your life only to watch it be torn away and all you think about is that you’re starting over, all that hard work down the drain. They don’t see the stress you feel when you’re trying to complete homework that requires you to write or type or draw or use your arm in a way that you physically can’t for the next couple months. Or how you can’t even hold a pencil to write your name or take notes because you have no feeling in your fingers.
Every time I went to the doctors during or after an injury while you are waiting to get called back they have you fill out this questionnaire on an iPad. It asks you to rate your pain, if its getting better, if other parts of your body are starting to hurt (are you compensating) things like that, but then it also asks you things about your mental or emotional health such as, since this injury do you have a hard time enjoying things you used to enjoy, or do you feel less motivated to complete everyday tasks. I used to hate filling these forms out, but I think because I was at the hospital so often and I filled out probably over 100 of these forms in my 5 years at Utah, as I was going through injuries and I was thinking about going back for a check up and filling out these forms I was more aware of how these injuries were affecting my mental health every day and honestly I think all these injuries built up to my elbow surgery, which was by far the most physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing than any of the other injuries. But because of those stupid forms I was able to check my attitude and my thoughts about the situation and notice when it did get harder to do everyday tasks because I was sad and frustrated thats when I really needed to rely on my trainer and my teammates and my family to help me out.
Coop, I don’t know if I really answered your question. I feel like I kept going off on tangents. This topic was my life for 5 years and its hard to make it all fit in a post that doesn’t drag on for pages. There was so much I left out and so many other parts I want to dive into and give more detail about, so if anyone is curious let me know and I can do more about this, but this was just a glimpse into my mindset and my competitiveness and my challenges that I faced as a quiet unassuming person who enjoys slamming volleyball’s down peoples throats.
I’ll put some quotes below that I live by in athletics that have pushed me when I lacked motivation, or helped me keep challenges in perspective. (Maybe I’ll continue to add to this list because I know I have tons more but these must be my top most lived by quotes because these just immediately come to mind):
“Be comfortable being uncomfortable.”
“Work so hard your coaches have no choice but to leave you on the court.”
“If success was easy, everyone would have it.”
“You haven’t come this far to only come this far.”
“The legacy is more intimidating than the opposition.” Legacy by James Kerr — The All Blacks Rugby Team
“Never be too big to do the small things that need to be done.”
“Leave it better than you found it.”
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”
“The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses — behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, well before I dance under the lights.” - Muhammad Ali
“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” - Muhammad Ali (Be a good teammate)
“Effort and attitude is a choice.”
“Don’t be afraid when a coach is yelling at you, be afraid when they stop.”
“Make it simple but significant.”
Not even kidding you, most of these if not all of them go through my head during a single practice. (Honestly, I could write a post for each one of these quotes and how and where it affected me while playing volleyball.) Have standards and expectations for yourself because (last quote) “He who stands for nothing will fall for anything.” If you don’t expect greatness from yourself who will?
What is your mindset like when you are competing or working out
or practicing or simply doing normal daily tasks?
Do you love to compete? Is everything a competition to you?
What sport do you play and why do you love it?
Is there a sport you wish you played? Why don’t you?
Do you prefer team sports or individual sports?
Have you had any injuries? What was that like for you?
What are some of your favorite quotes that motivate you?
