Dating

had downloaded a dating app. I was talking to a few people, after a little bit of getting to know one guy (to which I had told my plan was to be in Paris come august for volleyball), he asked me what I was looking for, something casual, a relationship? Because he didn’t want to do long distance. And I agreed with him. I didn’t either. Long distance sucks. I’ve watched friends do it (shout out Kendall and Cedric) and they made it, but it was hard. Anyway, I told him I was looking for a relationship but he’s right, I don’t want to do long distance. I wanted to say I didn’t mind something casual, but honestly I don’t know what that word means. In my head and I feel like to most people that kind of relationship usually involves sex and just sex. And this is the hard part for me. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe in waiting to be married to have sex and I am trying to follow that principle, and this is just not a popular idea with most people my age. (Disclaimer: I am NOT saying if you do have sex before marriage you are a bad person, but I am choosing not to). So instead of getting into what casual would mean and feeling stupid for telling him yeah we could just hang out but I won’t have sex is just frustrating and its easier to just let it go. Now I know there are people out there who would be okay with that and asking doesn’t hurt but I had asked before and tried that route and I just felt kind of defeated and didn’t feel like trying this time. 
And then came the frustration. I am leaving for Paris in August, in my head that meant I had enough time to at least go on a few dates try and get to know people, but that conversation made me feel otherwise. It made me mad at volleyball, mad at being a member of the church, mad that sex is such a big deal, mad that it is so damn hard to meet guys (especially tall guys). 

For anyone who knows me, they know I don’t have a large friend group. I am good with my small circle. I have always appreciated them for being there for me and being loyal and trustworthy. Because of this, I have always looked forward to being married. To have that one person you trust with every ounce of your being, who will always be there for you, and loves you unconditionally. That makes me so excited. But after this conversation I felt like it just wasn’t going to happen for me, at least not until I am done with volleyball. Since I will constantly be moving to a new place, playing for about 9 months, coming home for 2-3 months and then leaving again. That doesn’t leave any room for dating without leading to a long distance relationship. 

“Never give up what you want most, for what you want now” - unknown

I felt like I was giving up what I want most, which is to be married, for what I want now/need now to pay the bills, which is volleyball. I am sure there are lots of you who have different views on this than me. Just hear me when I say thinking about being married and having my own family one day makes me so happy and excited and I am well aware I have plenty of time to look forward to that, but when it’s what you want, you want it as soon as you can and choosing volleyball over a long distance relationship is making me feel like it is impossible- it’s okay if you feel differently. 
At church on Sundays we talk a lot about trusting in the Lord’s timing. I am obviously not very good at this. I do believe that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me, meaning there is someone out there for me who will love me and will want to create a family with me, but the time for that isn’t right now. And for me this is one of the hardest things for to accept. 

I haven’t dated a lot. Actually at all. I’ve never really had a boyfriend. Why? A lot of it has to do with volleyball and the other half of it is that I am 6’4”.

I remember a conversation I had with a couple friends sitting in P.E. class my freshman year of high school. They were talking about going to dances and hanging out with friends on the weekends, meeting new people and kind of wondering why I don’t go out very much. And I told them it wasn’t because I didn’t want to (which is what they thought because I am a pretty quite person who keeps to myself) it was because volleyball took up all of my time. I was out of town almost every weekend playing in three day tournaments, or driving to Southern California for the season mandatories, to get noticed by college coaches, so I could get a scholarship to pay for my college that my parents could not have afforded. 

I feel extremely guilty talking like this because it sounds like I hate volleyball or I am so ungrateful for it. Which is the exact opposite. Volleyball has given me all the amazing opportunities I have had in my life, but it has not been without sacrifice. Like most good things in the world. 

The other half of the lack of dating is simply because I am too damn intimidating. Or so I have been told. When you are taller than most the guys you know, you tend to not get asked out on dates. Not to say I haven’t been, thank you to those guys who did take me out on dates and gave me a chance to be awkward and shy and experience the joys and horrors of dating. But the dating pool of guys who are 6’4” or taller is pretty small. Then you add in willing to wait until you are married to have sex it gets even smaller. And usually being a member of the church narrows that pool even more because this means (for most members, not all - I am not going to speak for everyone) that we want to get married in the temple. So my dating pool just went from 10% to about .0001%. (Not actual numbers - definitely calculated and dramatized by myself for effect). 

And these “characteristics” that I am looking for in a person don’t even get into detail about the little things like being a hard worker, loving sports, being funny - I mean, I add those three things and I feel like I am asking for WAY too much! I am being so picky and demanding I need to just chill. (For later reference we will call this my impossible dating standard). 

Honestly, I felt really really lonely when that guy asked me that question. Which, let me clarify, I was beyond grateful for because nothing is worse than just wasting someones time, but I still felt defeated in working to find the one thing I want most in my life. 

I am grateful for the testimony I have in the gospel and my Heavenly Father, because that is the only thing that keeps me from feeling like this whole situation is hopeless. I know he has a plan for me and that he is aware of me. I just need to have some faith that it will happen. Not in the timeframe that I want it to, but in the Lord’s time.

So I am curious, how many other people have felt like this in the dating world? 

Felt like it is impossible to find ‘the one’ even though you feel like you’re doing everything right?

Felt lonely for your beliefs or standards?

And how you got through it or are getting through it?     

When I asked what you guys wanted to hear about there was an overwhelming amount of people who asked about dating, and since there is so much to dating and this only covers a small portion of it I’ll probably make this into a several part post. So make sure you check back here to follow along.