On the Way to Practice
So, I’m sitting in the car on the way to practice and all I can think is that I am ******* crazy. This is such a crazy life to be living. Sitting behind me is a staff member of the club. She doesn’t speak much English but she understands. Next to her is the Serbian physical trainer who is working with the Taiwan Men’s National volleyball team. Next to him, the translator. Next to me is the head coach of the Men’s Taiwan National volleyball team, also Serbian. Then in-front of me are my two teammates. One from Bosnia and one from Trinidad and Tobago. Both speak english. The Bosnian also speaks Serbian. There are just several different conversations going on at the same time. Some in English, some in Chinese, and some in Serbian. It’s just crazy. Having the patience and the will to want to communicate slowly and listen intently to those sitting around you. Broken phrases trying to get across a thought or a joke or a question. Usually taking multiple explanations to be understood and explained (therefore losing the humor of the joke when it has to be repeated and explained). And again all I can think is this is absolutely insane.
I mean seriously. What is this lifestyle? You move across the world for more than half the year, live with, play with, and get to know people you will probably never see again after the season is over, spend most of your time in a gym, in a bed, eating, or sleeping, and are constantly looking like an idiot for not knowing/understanding simple daily life things, like how to get in/on the metro. (P.S. you have to get a prepaid metro card or a token and use that to enter AND exit at each station, yes exit too - my least favorite part; like just let me leave) or using a squat toilet. Yes, a squat toilet. Look it up.
You leave everything familiar for a chance to see the world. And it seems like a constant flip of a coin as to whether or not it’s worth it that particular day or not. Some days it’s so exciting and interesting and just plain fun. Experiencing a new culture, trying delicious foods (like a butter filled bun/dumpling thing), getting the inside scoop of a day in the life of a people that seem so different from you and opens your eyes to the fact that we laugh at the same jokes, enjoy the same activities, and eat as many sweets as we can. It bridges that gap of life so far away and makes the world feel just a little bit smaller. But sometimes it’s hard. And lonely. And frustrating. It feels impossible to find anything you need for the first few weeks; food you want to eat, where the metro stops are, and trash cans, they’re like non-existent here, I don’t get it.
It’s a lot all at once. So much new it’s overwhelming. I don’t think I even know what it’s like to live in my comfort zone anymore. Which is supposed to be a good thing, right? But usually feels like you’re drowning, or treading water in the middle of a storm and the waves just keep coming and coming and your breathing water but have this indescribable will to not go down. You cannot stop kicking because you just don’t know what else to do. So you do as Dory says and “you just keep swimming”.
It’s usually the first few weeks or first month or so that these feelings are the strongest and most anxiety inducing. That and somewhere in the middle of February. Rock bottom never seemed so cozy. It’s also nice to know and hear other athletes that say the same thing. That they feel the same way. It’s hard for everyone. The best of the best feel it too. Breaking down in the shower and asking what in the world you’re doing in this foriegn place is a staple of this lifestyle. We need a shirt. Confused with my life choices today, please come back tomorrow.
This seems like such a downer way to look at being a professional athlete, but this is the reality of days and weeks of this life. If someone tells you it doesn’t feel that way, they're lying. I’ll never forget reaching out to a friend who was also overseas, both of us our first year. I asked her how she liked it, how she was doing, and she responded politely, “Oh it’s great! I like my team and exploring this city is really cool, how about you?”
“I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. I hate it right now. I think it’s really hard.”
“Oh, thank goodness! I hate it too.”
She was so relieved to not feel like she had to lie and put on a happy face. That somehow for some reason she was supposed to be loving every second of this journey and couldn’t complain. Well I’m not a very good liar so I just gave it to her straight. I was struggling, and it was hard.
I think as long as you can be honest with yourself and have a little self awareness you can accept the fact that it’s hard today and you’re overwhelmed and sad and lonely and those emotions are coming out in the snappy tone or standoffish attitude. You can work a little harder to be kind and tell your teammates you’re sorry for being a brat. You just can’t seem to sort out these emotions today. And then you go home, order the closest thing you can find to comfort food on UberEats, watch some Friends, and get a good night's rest, and start over tomorrow. Because this is all about growing as an individual and the least we can do is try.
And then because of opposition in all things and a change in attitude from the day before your outlook on where you are at becomes just a little bit brighter and things seem to go your way a little more often, and you also start to let go of some of the things you can’t control. Not all of them just yet, because you aren’t perfect and still have a long way to go and are not going to change overnight, but some. You let go of some control and you smile just a little bit more than the day before.
At least that’s how it goes for me. Questioning my life choices in the back of a van filled with people from all over the world on our way to volleyball practice. Don’t mind me asking what sane person would live this life, because I’m still trying to figure it out.
P.S. My teammate An and I have decided to take a different photo everyday at practice! So stay tuned for that! Sneak peak from week 1.
